Thursday, June 08, 2006

54th Post Extravaganza!!!

a.k.a. The Shit I Did Not Finish.

Over the course of the time since I started writing my blog, I have written several things that I either never finished, or thought sucked.

So here is the best of the crap that did not make the cut.

Fake Conversation

Sometimes I imagine conversations that could have been, in my head.

Today, I brought the wrong book to one of my classes, and though I still brief my cases, I envisoned this as the conversation that would have ensued had the Prof. called on me:

Prof: So, [Lawschoolrules], how about Long?
Me: I brought the wrong book, but I will give it a shot.
Prof: (incredously) You brought the wrong book?
Me: Yeah, it looks just like the Torts book. Sometimes I am a dumbass.
Prof: Well you got in here didn't you?
Me: We will just have to see if I am here next year.
Prof: I heard you were getting some award though?
Me: They are always trying to give me something. It's a conspiracy to get me to socialize.

This is a portion of an AIM conversation I had with an ex-co-worker several months ago

XCW: what the hell do you have going for you?

me: in two and half years i will be making $100,000

me: that’s about it

XCW: 100,000....and what are you going to spend all that money on?

me: calf implants

[Do not give me the third degree about making $100,000 a year. I know the odds. With my luck, I probably will not even be able to catch a job as a public defender.]

This one is a bit dated, but I am sure you have seen the commercial

If you are like me and watch Oprah religiously, I am sure that you have seen the commercial for Yoplait Light that includes the song Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. There are two reasons that I love this song. One is that because every time I hear it, I think of a hot girl wearing a bikini that barely covers her. Ahhh....behold the power of imagination. The second is that this is one of the few songs that I can play on the piano. I would need the sheet music since I haven't played the piano in quite a few years, but I am sure that today, I could play it well enough that you could recognize it.

However, there are some serious problems with the commercial. It is all a problem of semantics. When someone says, "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" what do you think of? Build the mental picture in your mind. I have got the time, if you have got the wine.

I always pictured some primary color bikini with polka dots. The polka dots are Yellow. The "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" is a bikini of some color that is covered with yellow polka dots. However, the commercial has the bikini as being solid yellow, with red polka dots. If anyone read this blog and I knew how to put in a poll, I would like to know what everyone pictured when they hear "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini."

All I know for sure is that I am now boycotting Yoplait Light until they make the polka dots yellow.

That is enough for now. Part 2 Coming tomorrow.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

White bikini with yellow dots, of course