Monday, May 29, 2006


As you may have noticed, at the top of the page it says that the site is updated every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I did not update the page any of those days this week, and no one said a thing. I like to think that this is because my readers are intelligent, caring, and uber-sexy. In fact, I did not update my site for those three days to prove a point. Basically, my readers rule (and maybe that I do not have many readers). Yeah, so no one bitched, maybe secretly I wanted someone to bitch, but that is really not the point.

I have been a casual fan of for a while now. The best part of the site was the author's stories about being an American teaching English in Japan. Many of the stories are quite funny. The author recently decided to move this portion of his site onto the Festering Ass, for whatever reason, maybe to make more money, get more exposure, whatever, the decision was his. In anticipation of his new readership, the author will be posting his archive (a couple years worth), and then begin posting new stuff.

His site was moved to He posted an announcement on Outpost Nine that he was moving to a new location, and threw up his first archived story. What resulted was sheer chaos. His first entry appears here, but what really caught my eye were the venomous comments from his "fans."

These are people who have enjoyed his site for a couple of years, for free mind you, and they have the gall to bitch about him trying to do something different, expand his site, maybe make a career out of this. Outpost Nine has a couple of Google ads and a store, where you can by shirts and such, but I doubt he was making a mint off of this stuff.

I guess my real question is: Where does this sense of entitlement come from his fans? When my favorite author writes a book that I do not like, I do not get my undies in a bunch and send off angry letters to him and the publisher. If my favorite band makes an album that I do not like, I do not disown them and avow to never listen to any of their albums again. I just do not understand why his faithful readership would give him the tenth degree for changing things. After all, he is only posting his archives, there will be new stuff in a couple of months.

I have been thinking about this since Thursday (I was actually going to post it on Thursday, but then I came up with that brilliant intro), and I still cannot wrap my little brain around this. If you have the time, check out the comments on this link about the first post, and if you can explain it me, please do.

Friday, May 26, 2006

I Have No Affiliations, I Am Still InSold (is that the opposite of selling out?)

Just for your reference, I am not affiliated with this book. I have never read this book, and I never even heard of this book until I Googled the name of my blog. I do not know the author, I have never met the author, and I have never ever, ever read a book about law school.

That being said, I need to do some research. The name of the book and my blog are pretty similar. However, Copyright protects independent creation. On the other hand, can a title of a book be trademarked? Additionally, there are special rules for registering a domain name that is designed to profit off of the trademark of another. But I did not do it bad faith. Conversely, Trademark is designed to identify a source. "Law School Rules" is certainly a descriptive mark, so there has to be secondary meaning. But aren't there special rules for titles? There are, but that is for nominative use or parody (think Barbie and Aqua.) And this discussion pretty much brings us back around to Copyright. I think I am safe, unless I copy one of the author's rules. However, if I can use this post as proof that I never read his book, maybe I will be safe.

O.K. You cannot trademark a bookname, unless it has obtained a secondary meaning [I wrote the above before taking my IP final, and I am writing this paragraph (and the last sentence), and the ones that follow nearly a month later]. I mean, we have seen all the DaVinci Code shit that has come out. I saw a list somewhere, don't remember where though, there were diet books and history books, all incorporating "Da Vinci Code" in their titles. [I saw it in the Trib.]

I decided to post this now because I just found out that Anonymous Lawyer is/was only a law student. He got a book deal. Good for him, he lied and misrepresented himself, and got a book deal out of it. Almost like a real lawyer (actually his cover was blown in 2004, I just did not realize it, probably because I was not in Law School then). But, good for him, bloggers are notorious for having their books bomb at the "box office" (what else do you call it? I suppose i should have left off the last three words of that clause, but what fun would that be? If I cannot pose rhetorical questions, then what am I doing here? There are exceptions of course, when Maddox's Book comes out in a couple weeks, it will debut at #1 on the NY Times Bestseller List, of course that was 10 years of hardwork, and not a flash in the pan). I am sure his will do very well, after all, I will check it out of my local library, if they bother to pick it up.

Why all this ranting on books? I do not know, probably because I could never write one. But really, it is because most bloggers are not really writers. It is one thing to hold someone's attention for five minutes and a completely different thing to hold a persons attention for 8 hours. It takes more than a good plot-line. It takes a great understanding of prose and language. I wish I could do it, I really do, but I do not think that I am very good at holding my reader's attention for very long.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Goalie Fights

Who needs content, when you can post Goalie Fights!!!

Round 1: Roy v. Vernon:

Round 2: Roy v. Osgood (also a RedWing):

Seriously, watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Especially if you are a Nielson Family. The ratings are abysmal. I cannot guarantee any Goalie Fights, but there is always a chance, and the Sabres are playing the Hurricanes tomorrow night (Wed.), two teams built for the faster NHL.

Come on, just watch. Tonight, there were 8 goals scored in the third period of the Oilers/Ducks game (Oilers, the Eight Seed is up 3-0). So watch some hockey, we all know that Dallas is playing Miami in the NBA Finals, so watch hockey.


Sunday, May 21, 2006


I am watching Sportscenter. John Buccigross is on the set. He used to host NHL2Nite. The lead story is Barry Bonds. Fuck Bonds. Bucci is a hockey guy. The second story is Barbaro. That is fine, I think that is more important than Bonds. The third story is Mets/Yankees. This pisses me off. Sure it is the East Coast, but something more important happened in Chi-Town today. Cubs Catchers Michael Barrett punched Sox (not Sawx) Catcher AJ Pierzynski in the the chops. Bucci did this highlight too. What did he say about it?

"He goes Tie Domi on his Ulf Samuelsson."

That is why Bucci is my second favorite columnist on I love that, he is surely pissed that he had to lead with Bonds, then stick with baseball, for the first half-hour before he could get to the Stanley Cup playoffs, yet he was able to throw in a random Hockey reference that only diehards will get.

Thanks Bucci. You the Man. (And Ken the Otter is the Otter.)

[I just listened to Tim Kurkijan go on and on about Bonds. It is amazing what Steroids will do for you. I hate the guy. Bonds that is, it is amazing to see him grow.]

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Pilgrimage to My Mecca

As I have done at least once a year since I was in college, last Thursday I made my annual pilgrimage to mecca. That is mecca with a small "m," since it is being used as a metaphor. My top two choices for mecca have been pretty much ruled through impossibility or impracticality. My first choice for mecca would be the Old Chicago Stadium, where the horn after a goal could deafen you, it was the loudest arena in the NHL, and of course, the cheering throughout the entire Star-Spangled Banner as Wayne Messmer belted it out completely undeterred. But, they tore it down, built the shitty United Center, and the Hawks have sucked even worse since then. The second choice for mecca is Lambeau Field. I have been a Packers fan since the Randy Wright days, which was long before the Favre years, and even though they have sucked the last few years, the Packers do not suck nearly as bad as the Blackhawks have the last few decades. The Hawks will always be my first love, but the Packers have been my mistress for the last 10 years. Needless to say, the Packers only have 8 home games a year, and they all sell out, the waiting list for season tickets is 95 years, and I lack the money to buy from a scalper. Therefore, my only trips to Lambeau have been during the offseason, and therefore, it cannot qualify as my mecca.

However, like every good American boy, I grew up with Baseball. It was only later that the ADD caused me to move away from baseball and into other sports. But seeing how hockey and football failed me, I am left to resort back to baseball. That is not such a bad thing. Even though the draft sucks, the regular season is three weeks to long, there are not enough teams in the playoffs, and Mark Buehrle and Mark Mulder are the only guys who know how to keep a game moving, and getting a 30% is considered good, baseball is still the only way to fill the long summer months (as it was once predominate, other sports scheduled their seasons around it, and it has stayed that way). Given my penchant for crappy teams, there is only one baseball team that I could possibly like. Yep, I am a Cubs fan.

I try to make my way to Wrigley every year. The last couple of years, before I was in Law School, I had a job and could therefore get pretty good tickets (even though it cost a day of work. Think about it, several internet windows (or tabs, as I use Firefox), sitting in the virtual waiting room, waiting for my number to get called, so I can finally buy tickets). Before I get to this years trip, we should all take a trip down memory lane, all the way to last year.

I was able to procure some pretty good tickets by ignoring my work for the first four hours of the day. So, on a beautiful July day, we headed down to Wrigley, my mecca. The sight of it always gives me chills, like a goose running over my grave or sticking a fork into a toaster (my dad did this once, when he was a kid, its a great story, with him ending up on the other side of the room). It sits there comfortably, on the corner of Clark and Addison (just a block from the Metro) like a shrine. It is almost the way that Muslims see their temple when they head into Saudi Arabia and see the Kaaba. Maybe not the exact same feeling, but it is close. I love seeing it. Even in winter, when Wrigley lies in slumber, you still know its importance. Tinkers, Evers and Chance played here.

Anyway, we went up to Wrigley last year, in the quite expensive seats that I bought. Greg Maddux, Mad Dog, was pitching that particular day. And he decided not to pitch that well. He gave up an ungodly number of runs through the first couple of innings. The game was over, so I did the only thing I could. I flagged down the beer man, and began imbibing Old Style. Apparently, it can get you drunk. In a way, I think this was Maddux's way at getting back at me. Back in 2003 when the Cubs made the playoffs, I bought a ticket for a playoff game (at a hefty price) to watch Mark Prior go head to head with Maddux. I booo-ed Maddux like it was my job, him being a Brave at the time. But the boos were more hearty than him just being on the opposing team, he was an ex-Cub, returned to Wrigley, and not just an ex-Cub, but an ex-Cub who became one of the greatest pitchers of all-time. Granted, I know the stories, GM (at the time Maddux left) Larry Hughes basically told Maddux to fuck himself. But still, Fans do not care about money and politics and such things, we just care about the guys who are helping us win (like San Fran fans with Bonds, though he cannot even sell out a game).

So, I gave Maddux the third degree (along with 50,000 of my best friends) and he must have known that I was back in the stadium, got nervous, and crapped the bed, giving up 6 runs in two innings, forcing me to careless about the game, and more about finding the next vendor. I am not sure what else happened that night, if we went to a bar, or whatever, but the bottom line is, I forgive Maddux, and I think he forgave me.

So anyway, back to Thursday, May 18, 2006. Kerry Wood was making his comeback from injury. I cheered him when he ran out onto the field. After all, it was good to have him back, since we (the Cubs) are paying him $10 mil. this year. He proceeded to have a great first inning, struck out two, got through on about 12 pitches. I clapped, but the idiots in the stands decided to do more than clap. My 40,000 friends gave him a standing ovation after the first inning. My thoughts were "What the fuck, its been one inning, yeah I am glad he is back, that is why I cheered when he took the bump, but I am not going to go nuts after one inning." Wood proceeded to give up three home runs over the next two innings. I felt justified, but in a hollow way. After all, I would have much rather seen Woody throw a no-hitter.

The game carried on, the Cubs sucked as usual, but it was not out of hand, so I did not drink myself into a state where I was unable to realize what was going on. Because, as it turned out, the defining play came in the bottom of the ninth. The Cubs had two men on base, with two outs, and they were down by two. There was a runner on first and on third, so with two out, we needed a couple of base hits to tie the game, or a home-run to win it. Neifi Perez was up, and he pretty much sucks (I told my buddy, "I have no idea what Dusty Baker's infatuation with this guy is, he keeps playing him. He must have nude photos of Baker with Don Baylor and Jim Riggleman). So what happened, Perez bunted, with two outs. How fucking stupid is that? Rest assured, in my slightly drunken state, I called Baker a few names, realizing that bunting, even if Perez did get on base, was about the worst idea in the history of man. The Japanese sending balloons over the Pacific in World War II, which had incendiary bombs attached was a better idea. And that was a pretty fucking stupid idea. This time, I Booo-ed as hard as I could. I never knew people could be that stupid.

So the game was over, and I was feeling hollow, as were my 40,000 friends. Of course, I blamed them for giving Woody a standing O after the first inning. But in the end, it probably did not make a difference.

As with most of my posts, there is not real point to this one. I am just recounting my experiences. After the ball game, my buddy and I went to Denny's, then bowling, where I bowled like crap.

Needless to say, the Cubs suck this year. Baseball season is over.

[Side Note: If you missed the Hurricanes/Sabres game today. I feel bad for you. This is going to be a great series. If you have OLN, at least check out one period. This is hockey like it was back in the 80's and Gretzky's heyday.]

[Side Note #2: The Cubs/White Sox brawl today was classic. Check out Sportscenter, you will not be disappointed.]

[Edit: This is what happens when I skip a day, you get a gargantuan post.]

Thursday, May 18, 2006

My Eyes Burn

I just finished reading a book entitled Outwitting Squirrels by Bill Adler. The first chapter is hilarious, no matter who you are. However, this is really a book written for bird watchers. Not really bird watchers though, more like those who put bird feeders in their yard, yet become extremely exasperated at the cunningness of the squirrels who figure out how to steal the seed meant for the birds from the feeder. It is a pretty funny book, though sometimes it comes in bursts, and if know nothing about birds, squirrels, or bird-feeders, this is not the place to start. For instance, in reading this book I learned that after a male squirrel mates with a female, he shoots out a waxy plug to keep his semen in, and other males' semen out. Good stuff, if you have a bird-feeder. But, I do not want this to be a book review blog.

So, I have a timely complaint with this book. Chapter 8 details 101 different stratagems for keeping squirrels out of the bird-feeder. Most of these are designed to be funny such as #2 Dig a moat around your feeder. Fill it with piranha; #33 Enclose your yard with a 20-foot tall Plexiglas fence; #40 Hang your feeder 100 feet down from a 200 foot tall tree; and my favorite, #94 Hire a lawyer.

However, when I hit #62 . . . let's just say that if I had a gun, I would have shot the book. The first few words from #62 are, "Make use of patent 4,712,512 . . . . Here's the patent as described: A method and apparatus components for converting a plastic . . ."

I gave up at that point. Fuck that, I am done with patents. I just finished Intellectual Property (post the grades already Prof.), and I sure as shit do not want to read about claims again, ever, unless someone is paying me to do it (becuase a) I am taking Copyright next semester (IP was a survey class) and b) I do not have the background to take the patent bar). If there is anymore convoluted syntax (outside of a Kafka novel) than a patent claim, please let me know. However, Mr. Adler chose not to limit this to just #62, as stratagems #62-#76 all started with a patent number. I skipped five pages of the book, and I do not feel guilty about it all.

And yes, skipping pages of a book, much like skipping to the end to read the last two pages, is a cardinal sin in my book. (By the way, the book I just read describes cardinals as aloof and ground-feeders.)

Saturday, May 13, 2006

The Goal

I do not care how much money I make this summer. I do not care how much volunteering I do this summer. I do not care if I grow as a person this summer. My single-minded goal is to read 40 books. I started off pretty well, cranking out two books on my first four days of break. Of course, considering that they were Cell by Stephen King and The Broker by John Grisham, its not like I was exerting myself at all. I have recently (ok the last two days) have had trouble picking up a book and getting through it. It is not that I do not have some great books to read, I am currently in the middle of Battle Royale by Koushun Takamai and The Last Mafioso by Ovid Demaris, but motivation is lacking.

Of course, I do not think that it is so much a lack of motivation, but rather, a couple days ago I decided to watch Band of Brothers (that book is on the list for the summer) yet again. That is one of those things that if I start to watch it, I cannot stop until I get through each episode. As such, that is over 10 hours of solid reading time, wasted away, though not hardly wasted. I swear I could watch the scene where Speirs takes over command of Easy over and over. "The amazing thing, was that he came back." If you have seen it, you just got chills. Most impressive thing I have ever seen in a movie, and of course, in this case, it actually happened (I will not say what exactly happened, so if you haven't seen Band of Brothers, go rent it).

So anyway, back to the task at hand. 40 Books in 3 months. I think it is doable. Hell, motivated prisoners read a book a day. I cannot let a white collar criminal best me, after all, they were stupid enough to get caught. So if anyone has any recommendations, please leave a comment. I am open to reading anything about anything. Thanks.

[Unrealted note, I just saw a commercial for a Pure Protein Bar, or something, but the chick in that commercial is hot. Just thought I would share that with everyone.]

Friday, May 12, 2006

Bowling For Dummies

After a long strange evening, one thing sticks out. The Bowling Alley. Do not get me wrong, I am a big fan of bowling. I love throwing a 15 pound ball down a narrow causeway, where you have to hit it just right for the glory to explode. I will not lie about my bowling prowess; I played six games tonight and each was over 100, but not by much. So when we began the countdown of three things I notice about the bowling alley, I am not #1:

#1: The Loner:
The loner is the guy who goes to the bowling alley by himself, but he waits for the adulation of his peers when he bowls the rare 300 hundred (or close) game. Yeah, you have all seen him, he bowls ten games in three hours, and puts a ridiculous spin on the ball. However, some of these guys are merely perfecting their spin, while some of them are aspiring to be The Loner. The Loner is a damn good bowler. He is the guy that rolls his eyes when those on the lanes next to him do not respect his space and bowl before him. He never gets pissed, because he knows the game, but he still thinks his shit does not stink. Just for the record, The Loner is better than you at bowling, but you can school him in every other aspect of life.

#2: The Teenager:
This one needs no explanation, so I will be brief. The bowling alley does not give a fuck who comes into bowl so long as they pay. This is the perfect atmosphere to the high schoolers who want to smoke without big brother intervention, the place to go is the bowling alley. And afterwards, when their folks say, "Why do you smell like smoke" they can reply with "I went bowling tonight, you know how those places are." It is the cheap alternative to concerts for smoking cigarettes for the under 18 crowd.

#3: The Dreamer:
First, this is me. Let me explain. I blame the bowling alleys. Back in the 80's, they realized that people did not like rolling goose-eggs, and the best way to counter this was to "treat" the lanes so that they would allow normal people to get more strikes. The answer to this, was more wax. The lanes are so waxed down now, that if Bea Arthur was blind, she could still bowl a 300. There is no challenge left in bowling. There is no need to learn how to spin the ball because if you can throw it straight, you can get a strike every now and then. If you think you are hot shit because you can throw a strike on these overwaxed lanes, then you are a dreamer, because the guys on ESPN are playing on a completely different surface. They play on a lane where each board has a unique roll to it, and it actually matters where you drop it and what the spin is. It is like golf, the course looks easy enough, but if you pull your top hand forward slightly, then you are in the rough, and lucky if you get a bogey.

So what is the moral of the story? You suck at bowling. Everyone sucks at bowling. The only way you will ever be good is if you live in a redneck town, with the only bowling alley in a 200 mile radius, and they cannot afford exorbitant rates for wax. If you live in one of those towns, I will see you on the PBA.

Thursday, May 04, 2006


I just finished my last final (95 Multiple Guess, three hour exam, finished in 130 min., though the last 30 was checking my answers, and I even changed a couple right answers to the wrong one, probably). Assuming I passed all my exams, I am no longer a 1L. My soul is one third gone. I am never getting it back. This is so exciting. Or at least it would be if I could think. My brain has been through a blender. Its been pureed, on low, resulting in a nice mush. On the plus side, It will go well with some ice, tequila, and margarita mix.

Now, I do not know what to do. Well, I am going to get drunk of course, but after that, what am I supposed to do? I have no job, no prospects, no motivation, no money, no gas, no fucking clue. In a way, its nice. I cannot remember the last summer where I had no responsibilities. Actually, I do, summer after junior high. It was all baseball and jacks. The next year, I entered the workforce, and soon came to the realization that having money was awesome. Now that an endless stream of money is (hopefully) a couple years away, it is not so important.

Maybe I should volunteer at an animal shelter? Of course, that would fuck up my head due to the allergies.
Maybe I should volunteer for the state governor campaign? No, then I would have to pick a side, and I really do not want to weigh the issues and then extoll the virtues of a guy who I only agree with 51% of the things he stands for.
Maybe I should volunteer at a soup kitchen? No, I do not like homeless people, they smell.

Maybe I should suck it, do something to better myself, the world, and maybe learn a thing or two in the process. Yup, that is what I am going to do.

On a completely unrelated note, I think I going to see United 93 this weekend. All the reviews I have read have been sterling, and it has an Oscar worthy Rotten Tomatoes rating. Some may say it is too soon, and it could be for some, but from what I have read, the story is told in the non-traditional Hollywood method. [Read, no tacked on love story, no fabricated back stories.] It is told based on what they knew, and when they knew it. So I think I am going to drop ten bucks on this (unfortunately, the production company was only donating 10% of the net to charity for opening weekend, but that will not preclude me from donating to some cause on my own (see already bettering myself)).

In actuality, if I go see this movie, it will be a monumental occasion. Why you ask? It has nothing to do with 9/11 or anything along those lines. No, it will be the first time that I have been to a movie theater since the opening night of the first Lord Of The Rings. I did not go because I am some huge Tolkien fan, rather my friend invited me, and bought me a ticket. I couldn't lose. However, at that time I realized I hated everything about seeing a movie in a theater, other than the large screen. The large screen could not overcome the failings though. The annoying people in the theater, $10 for a ticket, $4 for a pack of M&M's, sticky floors, the unbelievably loud speakers, and the worst part, movies these days suck.

These are all part of personal idiosyncrasies, and as such, I have refused to see a movie for 4.5 years, but as part of bettering myself, it is time to get over it, at least for one night.

So that is it. If you have read this far, you may be thinking, why the hell is this post so unbelievably long (then you haven't read some of my other posts), and centered around two topics? Tomorrow morning I am going to shut off my computer, and not turn it on again for another week. No e-mail, not flash games, not even porn. I need a break. My forearms are killing me, my eyes are getting strained (I will never wear glasses, so I have to be careful not to wear them out), but really, I just need a break. I have probably typed a million words in the last two weeks.

But fear not, I will be back in a week. I will have nothing law school related to talk about (for the most part), but there are plenty of interesting things for me to add my one cent to. If you have any ideas, feel free to e-mail me (the link is on the right), but be patient, I am taking a week off.

Thanks to everyone who has read my ramblings over the last two months or last week, the best is yet to come.

Monday, May 01, 2006


In Undergrad, I had one golden rule for studying for finals. Never start studying more than 12 hours before the exam. I followed this rule religiously. As such, I was usually up for at least 24 hours before the exam started. Hey, at that time in my life it was easier to stay up for 30 hours than force myself out of bed out 8.

My Undergrad self would look on Law School me with pity. Not only do I go to every class, but I actually read the book, take notes on the material I read, and take notes in class. To this day I still do not know why I ever bothered buying a book in Undergrad, as I never read them. Things have substantially changed since then. I am convinced that if I put a quarter as much effort into Undergrad than I did in Law School, I would be making $80,000 grand a year, and never have even considered going to Law School. It is amazing what a 4.0 could do.

Oh course, if I studied all the time in Undergrad, I would not have been able to get drunk every night or referee intramural hockey games.

But back to the main point. It is 11:30, and I have an exam tomorrow at 1:30, and I have not studied at all. OK, I got halfway through my outline before Playoff Hockey, the NFL Draft, FOX Sunday Night, and Adult Swim, and Beer distracted me. I have a two liter of Coke sitting in my fridge, and I am seriously contemplating staying awake through the night until my exam tomorrow. Unfortunately, I am uber-tired.

Thankfully, I scheduled my easiest exam for tomorrow. Legislation. My class did not follow the normal Legislation class syllabus, and as such, all I really need to know is 15 canons of construction and the difference between Textualism and Purposivism. It is almost as if I do not need to study at all.

So my conclusion is this. This exam will be easier than an Undergrad exam, so I am going to adopt a more relaxed study for this than I practiced in Undergrad.

Yeah, Fuck It.