Saturday, March 04, 2006

Job Search

The 1L job search is an exercise in futility. I am convinced that this is true. Who the hell wants to hire a 1L anyway? The only thing that we are good for is dry cleaning handkerchiefs and mopping floors. After the first year of law school I know nothing. Sure I can tell you what Rule 11 is and how not to violate the Rule Against Perpetuities, but other than that; nothing. I feel that a few tales from the possibly fictional Anonymous Lawyer are apropos here; 6/22/2005, and more succinctly, 11/16/2004.

The point is, no one wants us. We are more a liability than anything else. Any 1L who thinks he knows shit about shit is on the fast track to getting his ass handed to him (or her). That leaves 1L'’s with only a couple of options. One, working for a judge. This sounds sexy and will probably look good on a resume, but in actuality it is more mind-numbing than document review. How many hours can you stare at SJ motions? How many hours can you read pointless high-handed briefs? If you take this job, the answer is forty per week. Oh, and it is not paid. The second option is working at the Olive Garden. Sure there is not much there that is law-related, but at least you will know that you are the smartest one there. Plus, you can play with those cool flashing light Big-Brotherish devices that tell people when they can finally drop $30 a person for a mediocre meal. The last option is finding a sugar daddy or mommy. For most 1L'’s, this is their own mommy or daddy. They will let you live at home, rent free. You might not even have to find a job. This is the perfect chance to begin research that comment you need to get credit for law review. At the very least, it will be a good chance to reconnect with your burnout friends from high school that haven'’t been able to get out of town.

As for me; I am trying to find a judge to hire me. If that fails, well, let's not think about that yet.

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