Friday, April 07, 2006

So It Has Come To This, And It Almost Ended Like That

If you are a regular reader, and let's face it, a one-armed man could count my regular readers on his stump, you know my disdain for Temp Agencies. I met with two today, even skipped a class for it. The benefit of this was that I did no homework last night and got drunk, but the fact of the matter is, I went to a Temp Agency, and am relying on them to get me a job.

So how did it come to this? You may recall my post about how finding a job as a 1L is an exercise in futility. This has proved to be true. My class rank got me several interviews, and while I generally suck at interviews, I did pretty well in a couple of them. However, these positions are so highly sought after, that there is always going to be someone a little bit better from a law school that is a little bit better. So, if you happen to go to a school in the top 10, then fuck you, I hate you, and what is your school's transfer policy?

I decided that I want to stay in my Law School's town this summer, which can only be accomplished by getting a job. I figured a temp job was a good place to start, hence I contacted the temp agencies. This is the standard email I sent out to the temp agencies:

Dear [TempAgency] Representative--
My name is [Lawschoolrules]. I have a particular situation, and I was hoping you could be of assistance. I am currently a Law Student at [Law School], and will be completing my first year in about a month. I would like to stay in [Anytown] over the summer, and am looking for employment in the near-[Anytown] area from approximately May 15 to August 15. I would prefer a pay rate of about $12/hour or higher.
I have attached a resume for your review. I graduated from [Undergrad University] in 2003, with a double major in Accounting and Finance. In 2004 and 2005 I was a contract employee at [A Telecomm] in the finance department, researching the corporate structure of multi-national corporations. Additionally, [Telecomm] elevated me to a position where I was responsible for the work product of 20 other contractors. I was given full-time responsibilities, even though I was a contract employee. At [Law School] I have a [Random Number]/4.0 GPA. I can pick up processes and procedures very quickly, and am open to any type of employment.
I am trying to secure a summer position within the next two weeks so that I can also secure housing. I realize that this is a relatively short turn around time, which is why I am writing this e-mail. If you think that there is any chance that you can help me, please let me know. I would be happy to set-up a meeting time with you sometime this week to see if my goals conform to the opportunities that you have available. I can be reached at [Cell # which has an area code several hundred miles away].
Thank you.

I sent this out to all of the temp agencies in the area, and got one response. I set-up the meeting, and went into talk with them today. Of course, it was not really a talk, more like an hour of skills tests. There were five parts to the test, Accounting, Finance, Data Entry, Numeric Data Entry, and Excel. Everything I know about Acc and Fin came from undergrad, which I finished nearly three years ago (thought I worked in the finance department at Telecomm, it was not really traditional finance work). I did pretty well on the Accounting section, bombed the Finance section (what the hell is duration again), did decently on the data entry sections (I had 94% accuracy in the alpha-numeric section, but that was because I kept hitting the spacebar after each line, even though it automatically shifted to the next line), and kicked major ass on the Excel test.

Regardless, I crushed the national average on every test, except for the alpha data entry test (I have a laptop, and have not used a number pad in 9 months, likewise, the regular keyboard made my typing slower because I am used to the scrunched up keyboard of the laptop). So I talked with the staffing agent, told them what I wanted, and when I wanted it, and they said they would do what they could. Complete reaffirmation of my belief that temp agencies are worthless. The optimist in me says to give them a chance though, so let's see what happens (and there is still an outside shot that I could end up with a summer associate job, the firm I interviewed with last week will not complete their interview rounds until next week, but I am not holding my breath [Edit: one day after the post, I got the rejection letter]).

So after I left, I headed out to the parking garage. It was raining. This did not please me or my suit, so I stayed as close as I could to the buildings (yes, I wore a suit to my Temp Agency meeting, just to show that I was serious). To get to the garage I had to cross a street. It was not that busy, so I waited, in the rain, until there was a pause in the traffic.

The break came, and I headed across the street. At the same time I entered the street, half a block down a truck made a left turn onto the street (from a one-way onto a one-way). I always thought that there was a jaywalking code. If you jaywalk, the car you are cutting in front of can slow down just enough to miss the jaywalker, while providing the proper buffer zone of 1-2 seconds. Apparently this is not the rule. I walked across the street, and noticed that at my current pace, I was bound to be hit by the truck. Normally, I would carry on with my usual cadence, but the rain mixed with the scary looking truck caused me to jog the last half of the intersection.

I never jog, but thankfully I did so today. I made it across the street, and felt the truck catch the cuff of my pants. This dude did not slow down, ease off the accelerator, or brake in the face of a pedestrian jaywalking. The fucker gunned it. What a fucking ass. I almost wish that I had not jogged, and kept on walking, because I could have sued his ass, and assuming that the injuries were sufficient enough, I could prove that my lost wages were $100,000 a year.

Needless to say, this will be my last experience with Temp agencies. A job is not worth dying for (unless it is a heart attack caused by numerous 90 hour work weeks while trying to make partner).

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