Saturday, April 01, 2006

Temping, Sideswipes, and Crooked Tow Truck Drivers Part #2

In Part #1 I discussed where I was leading up to the month of November 2004, this is the rest of the story:

As I mentioned in Part #1, I had to work Saturdays. This did not apply to the first two weeks of work when I was "training" (Employees at the GAP spend more time learning how to fold sweaters). For those two weeks it was the regular 4:30 to 1, Monday to Friday. After I finished my two weeks of training I was ready to crash for 15 hours. However, this was not going to happen. My little sister is a cheerleader for her (our) high school, and that Friday was Senior Night. How could I not attend a high school football game when they would be honoring my little sister (who was a Senior, if that is not obvious). Horribly sleep deprived (I know I said that the end of PTI meant bedtime, which it did, but I still did not regularly fall asleep until midnight) and desperate for the warmth that only my comforter can provide, I headed out to the game against my better judgment (not really, I promised her I would be there, and remember my policy about not lying).

The game kicked off around 7, so I was there around 6 because the Seniors walk out with their parents before the game. I immediately headed over to the concession stand, and ordered two Cokes (this was before I knew the power of Red Bull, not that they had it, but I would have picked some up on the way). I found my parents and my little sis' standing in line waiting for their name to be called out over the loudspeaker, and waved. They immediately forced me to take pictures. I of course obliged. I have no problems with pictures, so long as I do not have to be in them. My mother told me where they were sitting and I headed over there, and took a seat, by myself (this is important).

So as the Seniors were called out, and they marched down the track through the rain, I was sitting in the cheerleaders section. Not next to the cheerleaders section, I was in the cheerleaders section (if you are unfamiliar with this concept, just picture the band section as though all the band members were gone, but they left their tubas there, but instead of band members, it was cheerleaders). I was stepping on pom-poms. Yeah, I am sure that there are a lot of 24 year olds that sit in the high school cheerleaders section, yet there I was, feeling very pedophiliac. The freshman and sophomore cheerleaders were sitting two rows ahead of me, eyeing my suspiciously. My tired Coke-addled body (from the soft drink) broke out into a cold sweat. I could feel 15 fathers' eyes drilling into the back of my head, trying to figure out the best way to dispose of my body. This was not even a rock and a hard place, I was in a blender and it was only a matter of moments before someone hit the switch for puree.

Then I saw her. I caught her eye from across the screaming High School football fans. I frantically waved my arms, and mouthed as loud as possible, "I NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW!" She got the idea, and headed into the cheerleader section. She proceeded to make conversation with the freshman and sophomore cheerleaders, and most discretely, and immaculately, introduced me in passing as her younger brother. Yes, though my little sister was still out on the field being recognized for being a Senior, I was still able prevent a major ass-kicking. How so you ask? You may have noticed the word younger in the previous sentence. One of my older sisters was the High School Cheerleading Coach.

So she came up and saved me, and after the festivities were done, and the football game was ready to start, my parents joined me (So yes, my younger sister is a cheerleader, and my two older sisters, who are twins, were also cheerleaders, and yes that is my standard response when people ask me if my sisters are hot, so don't ask). The game was just that, high school football. I feel no allegiance to my High School, so I spent most of the time cursing myself for not bringing a flask, while at the same time realizing that I was tired as hell and had to drive a half an hour back to my place. A half an hour may not sound like that much, but when you can tell that your bones are tired, it is like driving cross-country. My parents spent most of the time finalizing plans for a Senior party that they were having at their house, with the senior girls and their parents.

When halftime rolled around, I realized that if it rained any harder I would be a danger on the road, so I decided to leave as soon as the half-time show was over. The rain canceled the half-time show, and this confused my overly tired brain to the point that I sat through the entire third quarter. Once I realized that the game was nearly over, I realized that my bed was anxiously awaiting me. I informed the pertinent people that I was leaving. I left a little after nine....

Ok, so I know that I promised that this part was the end of the story. Well, it is not. Also, this part of the story is really an anomaly because it contains none of the elements contained in the title of this post. Happy April Fools Day!!!!!!

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